down my rabbit hole: Memories I am collecting during the 2020 Quarantine

Driveway chalk hopscotch that transformed into a Dora the Explorer-meets-American Ninja Warrior obstacle course.

Witnessing the growing bond between my children, as they homeschool together and become each other’s primary playmates, despite the six years separating them.

The great respect and gratitude I have for my husband, as he struggles daily through managing the kids while he continues a full-time job that was never meant to be virtual.

The amazing maturity developing in my daughter, as she becomes the primary homeschooling teacher for her younger brother.

The heartbreak over my son’s ongoing disappointment that he cannot rejoin his friends at school.

Hubby breaking up a homeschooling argument between the kids over whether or not “How I will become Batman” is an acceptable essay on future career goals.

The joy of watching my friends appear in a Brady Bunch-style grid, as I overcame my tech phobia and embraced my first steps into Zoom.

Listening to my extended family sing Happy 1st Birthday to my niece as we gathered to celebrate from inside 6 different homes.

Pinning my sewing project on Facetime while gossiping with my mother, since we couldn’t have our girls’ sewing night in person.

Packing my freezer like a jigsaw puzzle to fit the one-pack-per-family chicken breasts during the meat shortages.

Checking and rechecking every store I enter, hoping that the elusive TP and paper towels will appear, and instead finding what seems like a quarter mile of empty shelving (did they really carry that many paper products before?)

Standing in 45 degree rain for over half an hour, waiting to get my official almost-first-in-line toilet paper from Sam’s Club.

Walking away from the one-at-a-time line at Joann Fabrics, after no one went into that store in 15 minutes (who ever spent only 15 minutes shopping in Joann’s?)

The suspicious looks given to people either wearing masks or not wearing masks, depending on where you go.

The painful bewilderment of going to the store and wondering how many of us in the building could be Typhoid Marys.

The act of love and friendship involved in handing someone a handmade sewn face mask.

The mostly universal “we’re in this together” attitude of kindness that I find in most of the places I must venture.

The “Roosevelt Fireside Chat style” daily press conferences by Governor Cuomo on YouTube, which have become my news lifeline and the calming, reasonable voice I look forward to daily.

The protective, possessive act of supporting favorite local restaurants by ordering takeout, just because you can.

Watching the adolescent diva’s bedroom turn from day-glow hot pink to dark moody teal, as if with the paint strokes, the last vestiges of girlhood were falling away in favor of the young woman that has emerged.

The happiness in my families’ voices when they greet me as I walk in the door after work every day.

Standing out in the spring sun, thanking God that spring still comes to cheer the planet, despite the apprehension and loneliness we are all experiencing.

scenes from This Ludicrous Life: Pain med questionnaire

So, I was going for evaluation at a pain management office for a “degenerative disc”.  Because of the opioid crisis, they screen everyone for signs of drug dependency. (This is not my issue, I’ve still got stuff left from my 2017 surgery).  I had a hard time behaving myself while completing their screening questionnaire, however, which is meant to be straight-up serious.  Here are the highlights. (No disrespect is intended to any who have struggled with addiction or mental health issues….):

1) HOW OFTEN DO YOU HAVE MOOD SWINGS?  So, do you mean per week or per day?

3) HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU FELT IMPATIENT WITH YOUR DOCTORS?  Need to discuss, I’m an RN…..

4) HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU FELT THAT THINGS ARE JUST TOO OVERWHELMING THAT YOU CAN’T HANDLE THEM?  Um, I have a full-time job and an adolescent….

5) HOW OFTEN IS THERE TENSION IN THE HOME?  Um, I have a husband and an adolescent….

8) HOW OFTEN DO YOU FEEL BORED?  What does the word bored mean?

12) HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU FELT A CRAVING FOR MEDICATION?  Whenever I have to take my kids into Kroger with me.

14) HOW OFTEN HAVE OTHERS TOLD YOU THAT YOU HAD A BAD TEMPER?  Do I have to answer that question to receive care?

*PSA: Fortunately, I was filling out my form in pencil, because my husband made me erase all my answers.☹️☹️😬

scenes from This Ludicrous Life: things I never expected to say

Your tongue should not be touching your brother’s face.

Why are there dry erase markers in the bathroom, you ask? You don’t want to know.

Hubby, you’ve mixed up my underwear and our daughter’s.

We are not using Satan as a character in stories, ok?

I am not interested in discussing your butt.

Oh cool! Fireball whiskey is only 100 calories!

scenes from This Ludicrous Life #3: The Sun Visor

I did not expect the happiness I would feel over a sun visor! For whatever reason, my 2006 vehicle needed a SECOND driver’s side sun visor replaced.  It was once again developing a single position choice, which was straight down and hitting you in the face.  Not so great for visibility.  During Round One of this problem, the body shop charged me $400 (yikes), claiming “cost of labor”.

So this time, hubby said he would fix it himself. He tapped around on his phone and told me the part would arrive soon. A little while ago he sauntered into the house and announced that he had successfully replaced the visor for $40! Awesome sauce! Then he proceeded to give me a cheesy grin and discuss how I could repay my debt to him….(Insert eye roll here.) And I thought the body shop had been the weasel!

Introducing The Cast: The Hubby

1) Hubby.

– Married 17 years and counting, together for more than 26.

– My best friend. Amazingly hard worker. Great at sharing parenting. Proud to be his wife.

– Can make me more lose-my-mind angry than anyone else on the planet. The Y chromosome is strong in this one.

– The day I fell in love with him: He took what I considered my character flaws and spun each around into something desirable. Wow, most romance novels aren’t that good!

– Keeps hoping that I will sprout longer legs and a housekeeping compulsion. Sorry, guy.

– Definitely carries one of the genes that gave our children a flare for the dramatic. And he isn’t afraid to use it.

– The man’s as stubborn as a stone, and just as likely as a stone to be listening if the TV is on.

My First Blog Post

Ludicrous: “adjective; so foolish, unreasonable or out of place as to be amusing; ridiculous.”

– Oxford Dictionary

Welcome! I’ve started this blog to share the ludicrous parts of life with you. Our lives are frequently soda out your nose, cracking up at a funeral, laugh-till-you-snort ridiculous. And even when they do not feel that way, the nonsense can still be amazing. As a human being that must deal with other human beings, it is obvious that God’s sense of humor and patience are at work. In sharing my experiences of this life and my tilt on it all, I hope to give you a catharsis about your own craziness. So, come along as I attempt to laugh at myself as much as I do everything else, and choose to search for the smile and hope available when things go south.