You know how people have therapy dogs? Well, I need a therapy man!– from a senior lady going down the hall in a wheelchair
From tonight’s You Can’t Make This Stuff Up parenting corner:
(yelling erupts from across the house)
Adolescent Diva: “The Little Prince peed on the floor!”
Prince: “No I didn’t! I spitted!”
I walk to the kids’ bathroom, where the little prince is sitting on the toilet (he really should get more privacy) and the diva is standing in the doorway like a beat cop ready to give report. She points emphatically at a single square of toilet paper lying on the floor beside the toilet, with a clear wet spot spreading in the middle.
“Walk in that direction!” I order my adolescent, as I point my finger behind me towards her bedroom. As she stomps off, I take a step further into the bathroom and stare at the wet tissue square.
“Did you pee on the floor?” I ask my son.
“No,” he replies, still on the toilet.
“Did you spit on the floor?”
“Don’t do that!”
I walk away.
Later, I walk back into the bathroom with my son to give him a bath. The square of toilet paper still sits on the floor, the wet spot has now expanded. My son’s reaction?:
“Ew! That toilet paper is still on the floor!”
Things I learned this week:
– Dieting SUCKS. My minister once said, “Dieting just means you’re hungry.” Yup. But I am NOT buying a new wardrobe just because my booty is now padded with palliative cookies!
– Any conversation with your child that includes them asking, “Can we buy some Vaseline?” is going to be equal parts hilarious and disturbing. Boy, that girl’s convinced she can convince me of anything.
– There may come a day…..when I laugh that my son got threatened with the principal’s office for telling butt jokes in the cafeteria…..but today is not that day….
3) The Little Prince.
– My school-aged son.
– Total momma’s boy (and I love it).
– Amazing memory. Musical talent. Can build any LEGO set we put in front of him. Thinks he’s Batman.
– Loves reading about Egypt, tornadoes, predators, David & Goliath, Captain Underpants…..(Who is this kid?)
– You know the comic strip Calvin & Hobbes? Yeah….God used Calvin’s blueprints in forming this little guy…..
– Has a talent for wrapping older females around his little finger. Heaven help us when he figures out how to do it with girls his own age!
– Finds his imaginary world much more interesting than real life.
2) The Adolescent Diva.
– My teenage daughter.
– Brilliant. Beautiful. My ray of sunshine (except for first thing in the morning).
– A complete and total Hot Mess, covered with a mane of curls. She appears to be the color commentator for the Drama-Drama-Drama Sports Page at her school.
– Can take the boys down in the Gaga Ball pit, much to the boys’ surprise. Her favorite slogan is “Real Princesses Save Themselves.”
– Very Right Brain-Left Brain. Talented artist. A permanent Principal’s List student, she has the potential to run an architecture firm or win an Academy Award for Set Design.
– That is, if she can ever find her pencil, her jacket, her water bottle, the mandatory note from school, her shoes…..
– Married 17 years and counting, together for more than 26.
– My best friend. Amazingly hard worker. Great at sharing parenting. Proud to be his wife.
– Can make me more lose-my-mind angry than anyone else on the planet. The Y chromosome is strong in this one.
– The day I fell in love with him: He took what I considered my character flaws and spun each around into something desirable. Wow, most romance novels aren’t that good!
– Keeps hoping that I will sprout longer legs and a housekeeping compulsion. Sorry, guy.
– Definitely carries one of the genes that gave our children a flare for the dramatic. And he isn’t afraid to use it.
– The man’s as stubborn as a stone, and just as likely as a stone to be listening if the TV is on.
For those who don’t know me in the real world….
with an unruly Emotional Valve
and problematic Bangs.
Oh- and a Night Person who has to be up at 5:30 am. Sigh.
Ludicrous: “adjective; so foolish, unreasonable or out of place as to be amusing; ridiculous.”– Oxford Dictionary
Welcome! I’ve started this blog to share the ludicrous parts of life with you. Our lives are frequently soda out your nose, cracking up at a funeral, laugh-till-you-snort ridiculous. And even when they do not feel that way, the nonsense can still be amazing. As a human being that must deal with other human beings, it is obvious that God’s sense of humor and patience are at work. In sharing my experiences of this life and my tilt on it all, I hope to give you a catharsis about your own craziness. So, come along as I attempt to laugh at myself as much as I do everything else, and choose to search for the smile and hope available when things go south.